The Sim Card

December 17, 2018 / Juliana Lightle / Leave a comment

At exactly 8:28 this evening, after returning from dinner and Christmas light viewing with my daughter and grandson, I threw my purse and antique, red, flip top phone on my bed, and let Athena, my dog, out. Shortly thereafter, I inadvertently knocked the phone on the floor between the foot of the bed and my grandmother’s (the one I never knew because she died long before I was born) cedar chest. Rather than moving the chest, I retrieved a long handled duster and gave it a swipe, thinking the phone would fly out intact. Unfortunately such is not the case. First, the back of the phone removed itself from the rest and flew out. I tried once again and the rest of the phone flew out. I picked it up and the notice read, “Insert Sim Card”. I looked at the phone. Sure enough, no Sim Card. Subsequently, I moved the cedar chest, pulled out the bed, retrieved a larger duster and totally cleaned under the bed. I even went to the garage, got the flash light, and looked under the bed everywhere. Still no Sim Card. Finally, in disgust, I went to the kitchen, poured a glass of zinfandel, The Seven Deadly Zins to be specific, and continued to read “There Will Be No Miracles Here” by Casey Gerald. How apropos, except I have never suffered like he has (or if I have, I have conveniently forgotten), I am not black, nor male, nor gay, nor poor (he probably is no longer either), and, comparatively speaking, I am very old.

You’re Gonna Eat That?!

October 29, 2018 / Juliana Lightle / Leave a comment

This is the title of my newest book which currently resides at the designers for formatting, placing the photos in the correct place and position, making sure everything is just right. The subtitle is: Adventures with Food, Family, and Friends. It includes family and travel stories, adventures, poems, and recipes. Here are a couple of food photos which will be in the book with recipes.

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Every Sunday until publication, I will post an update as to progress. My goal is to have it available for purchase for Christmas presents for those who love food adventures.

September 1, on the Rim of Wonder

September 2, 2018 / Juliana Lightle / Leave a comment

Sunrise

Dappled clouds

Owl hooting

Wren climbing

Later, I graded papers and watched part of John McCain’s funeral, some of which almost brought me to tears. I often disagreed with him but never did I question his passionate love of country, his courage, his willingness to buck the norm, to defy convention when he thought it was the right thing to do. I think he and I shared certain values on which this country is based even if the country as a whole rarely lives up to them. These include the conviction that all people are equal, that everyone deserves justice, and each person carries the right to find his or her own share of happiness without judgment and condemnation from others who may think differently.

Later, while working on the latest book I am writing, I found handwritten recipes written by my grandmother, my mother’s mother, Nellie Narcissus Duke (Kaiser),whose father came here from Switzerland as a child. One, for dumplings, remains readable. The other written in pencil on the front and back of thin paper is fragile. It is for Strawberry Shortcake. If Grandmother Duke ever made dumplings, I do not remember it. Mother did–chicken and dumplings. I wonder if she used this recipe. I do remember conversations about the shortcake because Dad did not like strawberry shortcake even though he liked strawberries. I took photos of these two recipes written decades ago in my grandmother’s handwriting.

Missouri Roadtrip-the Home Place

July 6, 2018 / Juliana Lightle / Leave a comment

6CC097FA-6B1F-4C37-8170-6026A42B8C30 This is he house where I grew up north of Fillmore, Missouri. My dad lived here in this house from 10 year old to 90. He died in the month after his 90th birthday. The house stands on the land my great grandfather established after he arrived from Switzerland in the mid 1800s.

3A97C88F-30A5-4A32-99E3-5E4D8E1172F5 This is the only building left at the site of my grandparents original house and barns. It is an old carriage house. In this photo my daughter and grandson are taking a look. One of the original stained glass transome windows from the house hangs in my own house. My grandparents were Lilliebelle Werth and Pleasant Lightle.

D44A6726-4FF1-4FB0-9F89-47F7E7C98391 When I was a child, this was once a chicken house but mostly the farrowing house for our registered Hampshire hogs. Later I learned that when first built during Prohibition, Dad held dances here which the sheriff checked to make sure there was no alcohol.

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This is corn and soybean country. The view reaches across the land from the back of the home place. We met the young couple who own the house now. They keep everything spic and span just like my parents did. I am grateful.

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Antioch Christian Church where we attended church when I was a child. My mom’s fruit pies were famous here.

A Letter to the Man I Loved the Most

June 7, 2018 / Juliana Lightle / Leave a comment

Today is your birthday, June 6. I cannot wish you Happy Birthday because you fell into a coma a year and 1/2 ago and died several months later. Our daughter came over and over to see you, unconscious, eyes staring into empty space. She drove the five hours back and forth repeatedly. Sometimes I came with her.

What happened to you? Your mahogany hands and arms looked as they did when I first met you decades ago. I looked at the signs of aging on my own; yours seemed so young, ageless. But not your face. I wonder if I would have recognized you on the street. I remember the first time I saw you, sitting on a sofa–fancy, engraved silver tipped cowboy boots, shirt open half way down your chest, and your smile radiating across the room. I knew immediately I had to have you.

What happened to you? How could I have guessed I could be so wrong, decades of believing you just left, no explanation, nothing. Then after you are comatose and I cannot talk to you, I learn a far different truth, a truth that never leaves me, a truth from which I will never totally recover.

What happened to you? Charming, laughing, the man so many loved. That you. Did the other you finally dominate–the sad, disappointed, angry you? The you few knew, the hidden you, the one I often held, tried to protect. Now I talk to your cousin, the one you forbade to tell me the truth I never knew, the friend I thought I had lost forever. Yesterday we talked. Today she left me a message. She and I will never be the same, she filled with irreparable loss, your company, your mutual love, and I with a hole in my heart that can never be filled because I cannot talk to you.

What happened to you? A decade ago when you came to see our daughter, it was like I had seen you only yesterday, in so many ways as if we had never been apart. It haunted me. You could have told me then, the truth. But no, I had to learn it by accident from our daughter. She thought I knew, that you had told me.

What happened to you? I look at photos of us, young, filled with hope and love and promise, smiling brightly toward a camera. I wonder how different my life might have been. I will never know.

My Mother–Barbie Doll

May 13, 2018 / Juliana Lightle / 1 Comment

Barbara Lewis Duke, pretty petite, blue-eyed and blond, my mother, one fearless, controlling woman. Long after Mother’s death, Dad said, “Barbara was afraid of absolutely no one and nothing.” They married late: 34 and 38. He adored her unconditionally. She filled my life with horses, music, love, cornfields, hay rides, books, ambition. Whatever she felt she had missed, I was going to possess: piano lessons, a college education. Her father, who died long before I was born, loved fancy, fast horses. So did she. During my preschool, croupy years, she quieted my hysterical night coughing with stories of run aways horses pulling her in a wagon. With less than one hundred pounds and lots of determination, she stopped them, a tiny Barbie Doll flying across the Missouri River Bottom, strong, willful, free.

Note: this poem is in my book “On the Rim of Wonder” and was also recently published in “Inside and Out”, a collection of writings by women. It is available on Amazon and published by the Story Circle Network.

Addendum: My mother loved horses and flowers. When I look at the flowers around my house I think of my mother. And, yes, I have horses. The following photos are dedicated to my mother’s memory.

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My mother’s mother and father.

Crashes and Creativity

February 11, 2018 / Juliana Lightle / 1 Comment

Where have I been lately? Haggling with two insurances companies. Sixteen days ago, a woman ran a Stop Sign in a residential area while I was taking my grandson to middle school. She immediately admitted it, the fire trucks were there within minutes (liquid and steam were spewing out of my car); the police showed up shortly as well. About the time they arrived, a man ran the same sign and the police had to chase him down the street. Makes one wonder what people are thinking, doing? Texting perhaps. Luckily, neither of us were hurt except grandson got a bruise from the seat belt and his glasses flew off. He actually stepped out of the car and walked to school.

Kudos to my insurance agent, Lacie White of Farmers in Canyon, Texas. I have never had an accident since I arrived in Texas 26 1/2 years ago so I called her. She actually drove to the accident site, called the woman’s insurance company, etc. Then she not only took me to the rental car place, but also to my daughter’s so I could unload luggage and such because we were planning to go to Dallas a few hours later.

The woman who caused the disaster received a citation. Yesterday, I received a letter from her insurance company, Travelers, saying she might not be at fault. Really? She also did not have sufficient insurance to cover the value of my nearly new car, a 2017 which I bought last July. Now I am haggling with my insurance company over its value. This all has taken an inordinate amount of my time and energy. Meanwhile, I have to find another car.

On the bright side, my grandson and I are fine. I can still go to work, feed horses, and do what I always do. However, it has delayed creativity, e.g. writing blog posts, working on my next book–already started, and starting my new handiwork project. My last crochet project is illustrated below. It is the blanket I made for my grandson. For those who crochet, here is how I make it.

It is rather a creative, make it up as you go blanket, using some of his favorite colors, black, red, with a bit of grey for contrast. As you can see I alternated colors to make each stand out. The stitches used include single, half-double, and double crochet, made into different patterns such as shells, and a pattern where I alternated double and single crochet stitches. My original inspiration came from patterns I found on Pinterest using many, many colors which I knew he would not like. The beginning chain was multiples of four. The only downside of this type of pattern of alternating types of stitches is that the edges do not come out totally even and in the end I had to create a border around all four sides. Probably blocking it would have also helped, but he wanted his blanket right after I finished it so I did not block it. Ready to start my next project which I think will be making a sweater out of black and white granny squares, with maybe a bit of grey or red thrown in, colors left over from his blanket.

Sunday Poem–“Hair”

November 12, 2017November 12, 2017 / Juliana Lightle / 1 Comment

No females in my family had long hair.

Dad did not like it,

said it showed male domination

over women.

Once when grown and gone

from home, I began to grow mine

out, experiment.

When he saw it, he told me

he thought it unbecoming.

I cut it.

Mom said she had long hair

when she was young.

Her dad forbade her to cut it.

In her twenties she chopped her golden locks

off, flapper style, then hid her head

in a scarf, afraid.

Note: This poem is from the family section of my book, “On the Rim of Wonder”.

Sunday Poem

October 30, 2017 / Juliana Lightle / Leave a comment

A few years ago Uno Mundo Press published my second book, a book of poems. Reviewers say it is a memoir. Oddly, that was not the plan; in retrospect, it seems apt. The poems’ topics are not chronological but rather via topic with quotations before each topic as a sort of introduction. For the foreseeable future, while I continue writing another book, I will post one poem from the book every Sunday.

The book begins with this quotation:

“Do something scandalous to give your descendants something

to talk about when you are gone.” Vanessa Talbot

The first section begins with this quote by Judith Jameson, the famous dancer and choreographer:

“I always tell my dancers.

You are not defined by your fingertips,

or the top of you head,

or the bottom of your feet.

You are defined by you.

You are the expanse.

You are the infinity.”

The first poem in the book goes like this:

I Have Lived

Depression, sad days, melancholy.

Gone!

At 26, I said, “To hell with this!

You control you life, live it!”

I tried forbidden liaisons, trained horses,

Traveled around the world, a cobra wrapped around my neck,

Walked the Shalimar Gardens in Kashmir,

Stood before the Jama Masjid in Old Delhi,

Watched the Taj Mahal reflected in still waters,

Walked the streets of Katmandu,

Talked to monks at Shwedagon Pagoda,

Bargained with sticks in dirt, math our only common language,

Downed raw turtle eggs in Costa Rica,

Danced on table tops, sang “Adonai”,

Roamed empty roads across the Navaho Nation,

Divorced four times,

Raised two talented children.

I have lived, running on the rim of wonder.

Sunday Poem–A Life

April 17, 2017April 17, 2017 / Juliana Lightle / Leave a comment

I wrote the first blog post about this in February, a second a few weeks later. The following poem I wrote a week ago but never posted: too upset, too sad, too filled with regrets I could have no way fixed because I did not even know all the story. He remained unconscious for two months from late January until March 22. It seems strange that the memories of a life I lived so long ago, mostly forgotten, could surge into so many waking moments now years later. Life: always filled with wonder, surprises.