A Week of Gratitude


Negatives emerged lately in my life,  the events in the last two posts, two good friends with health issues and a lot of pain.  Nevertheless, yesterday, I started thinking of so many things for which I feel grateful.  Then I said to myself, I am going to work on a week of gratitude, a week where everyday I make a list of things for which I feel grateful.  Out of years of habit, I make a mental gratitude list every night as I drift off to sleep.  This is more formal, a list I write down.

Yesterday’s list includes these:

-pure water from a deep well

-healthy food I cook myself

-children who live good, productive lives

-my own good health

Today’s list includes:

-a job I really enjoy in spite of paper grading tasks

-students who make me laugh and tell me they love me–who knows whether they mean it and honestly it’s ok either way

-outside chores, e.g feeding horses morning and evening.  I cannot imagine life without this even when it is cold and miserable

-singing–after I post this, I will head to my weekly chorale practice.  Currently, we are singing all these touching songs, poems by Octavio Paz and Pablo Neruda put to music.

-taxes–crazy, I know.  I recall someone once telling me he was happy to pay taxes because it meant he was making decent money and was not poor.

 

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I Watched Movers Box Up a Life


Saturday, February 18, 2017

I watched movers box up a life today, a life I thought left me thirty some years ago.  I was wrong.

When our daughter and I cleaned out the refrigerator, we found a large pot filled with egusi stew, remnants of the last meal he cooked. I took the footlong, hand carved, wooden spoon, scraped the dry bits clinging to the sides of the silver pot.  Scrubbing it clean, smells of memory flooded my nostrils–cayenne, bitter leaves. It took me ten minutes, ten memory laden minutes.  Even after scrubbed and dried, the pot’s cayenne smell filled my nostrils, the distinct smell of West African food.

I watched movers box up a life today, a life I thought left me thirty some years ago.  I was wrong.

Our daughter and I found papers and photos, items her father kept all these years, detailed memories of our life together.  I could barely look at them, throat constricting, tears welling in the eyes of this woman who never cries.  Our daughter, dismayed, told me to go outside.  I walked down the quiet street, brown leaves scattered from autumn, unraked, a strange street both urban and rural inside a city of nearly half a million residents.  Is this where he walked, attempting to improve his health?  Was I walking in his footsteps?

I watched movers box up a life today, a life I thought left me thirty some years ago.  I was wrong.

Frozen


Two weeks ago today, the sickening news came:  my daughter’s father, my ex-husband, suffered a massive heart attack while working.  Rushed to the hospital, resuscitated, then open heart surgery. He never regained consciousness, not yet.  He lies there, part of his brain not working, tube-fed, not breathing on his own.

She drove all night, six hours to get there.  She thought they had taken her to the wrong room, unrecognizable.  Last week end, I drove with her.  Except for his hands, I would not have recognized him myself, so thin, so aged. How could someone change that much in the ten years since I had last seen him?  She went back again late this week, returned late last night.  Moved to a longterm care facility, he remains the same except he no longer even opens his eyes, no more staring into the void.

I feel frozen.  This morning I delivered my grandson to my daughter–he stayed with me this trip.  Checking on her father’s apartment, my daughter found his photos, some from when we were young.  She showed a few to me.  I stared, shocked, dismayed.  My today’s to-do list just sits here.  I force myself to work at it bit by bit, write two peer review assignments for a class I am taking–I do not want to disappoint, vacuum and dust one room at a time, tell myself I need to go out on this 20 degrees warmer than normal day and garden, write this blog post.   I feel frozen.

He had plans neither she nor I knew about, plans to perhaps make him happier, return to the land of his birth.  Will some miracle occur, will he awaken, recover?  Is there some appropriate time for which we wait?

I feel frozen.  When will I thaw?

 

Meeting Phrike: Feminist Theology and the Experience of Horror by Jill Hammer


Today, I planned to write my own blog post this evening after work. Just before I read this post, I mulled over topics, whether I wanted to share a recipe or write about so many disturbing as well as inspiring events I experienced or watched in the past week. Then today a student in one of my classes loudly questioned whether the Holocaust even occurred. This was followed by another student announcing that Jews are not people. As I read through my emails, this blog post appeared. It seemed especially telling given that experience. I refuse to tolerate comments that denigrate the religion, race, ethnicity, gender, sexual preference of anyone.

Jill Hammer's avatarFeminism and Religion

Myself, I saw the numb pools amidst the shadows; myself, the wan gods and night in very truth.  My frozen blood stood still and clogged my veins.  Forth leaped a savage cohort… Then grim Erinys (Vengeance) shrieked, and blind Furor (Fury), and Horror (Phrike), and all the forms which spawn and lurk amidst the eternal shades.

Seneca, Oedipus (trans. Frank Justus Miller)

Horror is not a cognitive but a physiological or affective extra-discursive state of being. Not unlike the state of, say, feeling nausea, horror is a state of being, whose manifestation, based on the etymologies of the Greek φρiκη [phrike] and the Latin horror, may be described, as Adriana Cavarero writes, as “a state of paralysis, reinforced by the feeling of growing stiff on the part of someone who is freezing,” and further, through her mythological reference to the prototypical figure of horror, Medusa, as a state of “petrification”…

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The Chandravati Ramayana: A Story of Two Women by Vibha Shetiya


Although I do write many original blog posts, many times I see something that I think needs to be shared with others, something new, enlightening. This post tells a story I had not previously heard, an important story.

Vibha Shetiya's avatarFeminism and Religion

vibpicAlthough “the” Ramayana is a fluid narrative, scholarship has traditionally recognized the Sanskrit Valmiki Ramayana as the most authoritative of Ramayanas. But recent studies have brought to light the hundreds of regional stories of Rama and Sita which are more popular with the masses. These would include Krittibasa’s Ramayana in Bengal, Kamban’s Tamil Iramavataram in South India, notably in the state of Tamil Nadu, Tulsidas’s Ramcharitamanas among the Hindi-speaking belt of northern India, and so on. But even here, a pattern seems to emerge; all the above-mentioned authors are male. Within this scenario, a rather unique text stands out, and that is Chandravati’s sixteenth century Bengali Ramayana, for its author was a woman. Even more fascinating is the double-toned nature of the narrative – through Chandravati’s own voice and through the voice of its tragic heroine, Sita.

Chandravati (ca.1550-1600) was born in a village in eastern Bengal, today in…

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You, yes, you can make a difference


Many tell me or believe that one person, him or herself, cannot do much to change the world, to make a difference.  This short movie tells about a man in northeastern India who transformed a wasteland into a forest by planting one tree at a time over many years.  Now elephants, deer, and even tigers live there.  Take a look for yourself.  Look for the youtube video called “Forest Man”.  The web address is :

It won awards at several different film festivals including Cannes.

 

 

 

Another bill aims to take wolves off endangered list


For a number of years I have mulled over reasons why humans seem to hate wolves considerable more than other predators. I have my own “theories”. What are yours?

Wolf is my Soul's avatarWolf Is My Soul

January 10, 2017

A gray wolf moves through forested country in winter. Credit: MacNeil Lyons, National Park Service

The new Congress wasted little time in efforts to once again remove gray wolves from the federal endangered species list.

A bill introduced Tuesday by U.S. Reps. Collin Peterson, D-Minnesota; Sean Duffy, R-Wisconsin; and Liz Cheney, R-Wyoming, would overrule a federal court action and remove federal protections from wolves in the Great Lakes and mountain west.

That already happened once, but a judge’s decision in late 2014 restored federal protections after wolves spent about three years under state control.

The members of Congress, and the U.S. Fish and Wildlife Service, say wolves have recovered enough in those areas to remove protections. But wolf supporters say the wolf hasn’t recovered over enough of its original range to remove protections in the few states where it is thriving, like Minnesota and Wisconsin. Wolf supporters…

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Hiking Palo Duro Canyon State Park–Day Two, New Year’s Day


In spite of having to run/rush, I enjoyed the first hike so much, I decided to go back down with my son on New Year’s Day, another weather perfect hiking and biking day.  I hiked the same trail but had time to enjoy it, take more photos.

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I headed up Comanche Trail from Chinaberry area toward the same peak in the distance.  Although this trail is not difficult, it is not flat until you get to the bottom of the cliffs in the distance.

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At this point I have reached the same area where I took most of the rock photos on the first Palo Duro post.  Once again, I took off onto the “new” trail to the north.

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To get to this point one has to climb down a rather steep trail and cross a dry arroyo and start up the other side.  This is across from where I had previously seen the shovels, etc.  They were still there, but the other equipment had been moved to just below where I took this photo.

This trail contains a lot of loose debris and dirt with large boulders laying every which way.

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Once I reached the flat top area, I saw those orange/red flags here and there and now wonder where the trail will eventually go.  I headed back toward Comanche.

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Back near Comanche Trail.

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At this point I had walked far enough down Comanche to be slightly past the cliff toward which I was originally headed.

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If you look in the middle distance, you can see the road in and out of the park.  Here I have walked considerably past the peak seen in the first photo.

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All kinds of rocks of all sizes appear everywhere–layers and layers of time.

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The trail follows the base of miles of cliffs.

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Fallen rocks and “caves” everywhere.

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Looking back from where I had climbed up higher and higher toward the flatter area.

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Another smaller “cave”.  I seriously considered hiking to it, figuring there might be some rattlesnakes sunning.  They do not react a lot unless startled or out hunting.

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Along the cliff base where the trail is easy.

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In this area, huge, white boulders appear to have fallen from the whiter area in the cliffs above.

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Farther down these boulders appear, more porous, darker.

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A closeup of this boulder shows baby prickly pear and grass growing from its surface.

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Farther south along the trail looking north.

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There are many species of prickly pear, including this one with its bright color.

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I looked up and saw three aoudad sheep.  See if you can find any of them in the middle of the photo.  They really blend in with these rocks.

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I did walk a bit off the trail to take this photo of “coffin” rock.

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Past the flat area canyon colors show up really brightly here–layers of color and time everywhere.

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Farther along the trail, looking toward the south.

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At this point on the trail past the long cliff wall, the trail becomes steeper and up and down again.

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Farther and farther past the cliff wall.

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Then one comes down farther where a small, spring fed stream runs.

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Here with year round water and shade the trees grow much bigger.  Farther down the trail more water seeps and the trail above contains steeper switch backs.

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Far past the cliff base, Comanche intersects Rock Garden Trail.  Once again, but not running/rushing this time, I start down Rock Garden.

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Looking south, I headed down.  Rock Garden gets its name from an ancient rock slide.

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Giant boulders everywhere.

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Some even have grass growing from them.

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I wanted to take a photo of this boulder because it looks like a giant face with ears.  However, it was so late that I could not take it without my shadow so being silly…

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Almost down, I took one final photo.  Comanche is the longest trail in the park.  It keeps going past the Rock Garden intersection.  My son, who was mountain biking there a couple of days later, rode almost its entire length.  Some day I want to start at Chinaberry and walk to the end.  However, if you plan to do this, find someone to meet you at the south (far) end because otherwise you will have miles to hike back.