16 degrees, windchill 2, flurries.
Keep warm, reflect, remember, don’t relive,
forgive, move on.
Work hard to become the change you want to see worldwide:
16 degrees, windchill 2, flurries.
Keep warm, reflect, remember, don’t relive,
forgive, move on.
Work hard to become the change you want to see worldwide:
It started Thursday with the Winter Solstice and the full moon: the love, the presents, my astonishment. You cannot go wrong with moonlight hanging over a canyon. It never disappoints.
Then on Friday, astonishment. Teachers never expect what I received. I expect excellence and hope most learn something new, learn that books they will like exist, that they can do more than they ever dreamed. We do not expect presents.
By ten on Friday, my classroom was covered with gifts and food. Here is a list of some of the presents I received from my students:
frankincense and myrrh soap
a book about wine–yes, it seems they know me
a 4 by 4 black block that says Love, Smile, Enjoy, Laugh, Sing, Live
two gifts cards from a brother and sister for renting movies along with popcorn
a Picasso scarf
a thermal cup full of almonds–I received lots of almonds
all sorts of homemade candies, cookies, and other goodies
To top it all off, a mother walked into my room and handed me a bottle of red wine with this written on it: “Our child might be the reason you drink so enjoy this bottle on us, Merry Christmas.” I am still chuckling about this one.
My daughter and grandson are on a cruise and will get to see several ancient Mayan temples, my son is on his way here and will arrive around noon or early afternoon, I attended a beautiful Christmas Eve service last night, then came home and continued reading a fascinating book until late, and shortly I will make pumpkin bread using Mom’s old recipe.
The moon still shines, hanging in the Western horizon. I feel grateful.
Happy Holidays to everyone.
Note: The Christmas tree my parents gave me decades ago with a skirt, simple fabric brought from Africa many years ago.
In childhood, no fake tree for us.
Just after Thanksgiving, the family search transpired.
Mom and Dad preferred Douglas fir, six feet tall.
Dutifully, we kept the tree holder filled with water,
never used real candles. We put on lights, big ones,
blue, green, red, an inch long, then carefully hung on delicate,
colorful, round balls. The most difficult task: the icicles,
long, silver, reflective. They had to go on just so.
Years later, children gone, Mom and Dad bought an
artificial tree, fake Douglas fir, incredibly real in appearance.
When they left Missouri for Arizona every winter after harvest,
they abandoned Christmas trees, gave me the fake Douglas fir.
I still have it. How long? Decades, several at least. State of the art
when they bought it, it requires work, assembly, strings of lights.
Every year, I tell myself it is time to get one of those new trees with lights
already installed, so much easier to take up and down. I never buy one.
I cannot bear to part with Mom and Dad’s tree. One year, annoyed with
putting on lights, I decorated it lightless. I missed the lights. Now every year,
decades later, I assemble it, take the time to string the lights. Some of the lower
branches no longer stay, but I work around that, hang the colorful, delicate
Christmas ornaments I love, collected over years and years, wrap the base in
the red and white cloth given to me from Africa. On cold evenings, like this one,
I turn off the other lights, drink tea like my mother did, and remember my
I heard this poem by Max Coots recited on Sunday and saved it to share today.
Let us give thanks:
For generous friends…with hearts…and smiles as bright as their blossoms;
For feisty friends as tart as apples;
For continuous friends, who, like scallions and cucumbers, keep reminding us we’ve had them;
For crotchety friends, as sour as rhubarb and as indestructible;
For handsome friends, who are as gorgeous as eggplants and as elegant as a row of corn, and the others, plain as potatoes and as good for you;
For funny friends, who are a silly as Brussel spouts and as amusing as Jerusalem artichokes, and serious friends, as complex as cauliflowers and as intricate as onions;
For friends as unpretentious as cabbages, as subtle as summer squash, as persistent as parsley, as delightful as dill, as endless as zucchini, and who, like parsnips, can be counted on to see you throughout the winter;
For old friends, who wind around us like tendrils and hold us, despite our blights, wilts, and witherings;
And, finally, for those friends now gone, like gardens past that have been harvested, and who fed us in their times that we might have life hereafter.
For all these we give thanks.
This is he house where I grew up north of Fillmore, Missouri. My dad lived here in this house from 10 year old to 90. He died in the month after his 90th birthday. The house stands on the land my great grandfather established after he arrived from Switzerland in the mid 1800s.
This is the only building left at the site of my grandparents original house and barns. It is an old carriage house. In this photo my daughter and grandson are taking a look. One of the original stained glass transome windows from the house hangs in my own house. My grandparents were Lilliebelle Werth and Pleasant Lightle.
When I was a child, this was once a chicken house but mostly the farrowing house for our registered Hampshire hogs. Later I learned that when first built during Prohibition, Dad held dances here which the sheriff checked to make sure there was no alcohol.
This is corn and soybean country. The view reaches across the land from the back of the home place. We met the young couple who own the house now. They keep everything spic and span just like my parents did. I am grateful.
Antioch Christian Church where we attended church when I was a child. My mom’s fruit pies were famous here.
Today is your birthday, June 6. I cannot wish you Happy Birthday because you fell into a coma a year and 1/2 ago and died several months later. Our daughter came over and over to see you, unconscious, eyes staring into empty space. She drove the five hours back and forth repeatedly. Sometimes I came with her.
What happened to you? Your mahogany hands and arms looked as they did when I first met you decades ago. I looked at the signs of aging on my own; yours seemed so young, ageless. But not your face. I wonder if I would have recognized you on the street. I remember the first time I saw you, sitting on a sofa–fancy, engraved silver tipped cowboy boots, shirt open half way down your chest, and your smile radiating across the room. I knew immediately I had to have you.
What happened to you? How could I have guessed I could be so wrong, decades of believing you just left, no explanation, nothing. Then after you are comatose and I cannot talk to you, I learn a far different truth, a truth that never leaves me, a truth from which I will never totally recover.
What happened to you? Charming, laughing, the man so many loved. That you. Did the other you finally dominate–the sad, disappointed, angry you? The you few knew, the hidden you, the one I often held, tried to protect. Now I talk to your cousin, the one you forbade to tell me the truth I never knew, the friend I thought I had lost forever. Yesterday we talked. Today she left me a message. She and I will never be the same, she filled with irreparable loss, your company, your mutual love, and I with a hole in my heart that can never be filled because I cannot talk to you.
What happened to you? A decade ago when you came to see our daughter, it was like I had seen you only yesterday, in so many ways as if we had never been apart. It haunted me. You could have told me then, the truth. But no, I had to learn it by accident from our daughter. She thought I knew, that you had told me.
What happened to you? I look at photos of us, young, filled with hope and love and promise, smiling brightly toward a camera. I wonder how different my life might have been. I will never know.
Barbara Lewis Duke, pretty petite, blue-eyed and blond, my mother, one fearless, controlling woman. Long after Mother’s death, Dad said, “Barbara was afraid of absolutely no one and nothing.” They married late: 34 and 38. He adored her unconditionally. She filled my life with horses, music, love, cornfields, hay rides, books, ambition. Whatever she felt she had missed, I was going to possess: piano lessons, a college education. Her father, who died long before I was born, loved fancy, fast horses. So did she. During my preschool, croupy years, she quieted my hysterical night coughing with stories of run aways horses pulling her in a wagon. With less than one hundred pounds and lots of determination, she stopped them, a tiny Barbie Doll flying across the Missouri River Bottom, strong, willful, free.
Note: this poem is in my book “On the Rim of Wonder” and was also recently published in “Inside and Out”, a collection of writings by women. It is available on Amazon and published by the Story Circle Network.
Addendum: My mother loved horses and flowers. When I look at the flowers around my house I think of my mother. And, yes, I have horses. The following photos are dedicated to my mother’s memory.
My mother’s mother and father.
My grandson cuts himself into 16 equal pieces:
4/16 Urhobo from Africa
3/16 Spanish from Spain
4/16 European–two Swiss German great, great-grandfathers
(Werth and Kaiser), Irish, English and who knows what
3/16 Mexican–whatever mixtures that may be
Who am I? What am I?
Who are you? What are you?
Do we really know?
Who sets the rules?
from where and for whom?
He looks Navaho:
-blue black straight hair
-pale brown skin
One four year old girl asks him,
“Are you American Indian?”
His six year old self says nothing.
“Are you American Indian?”
He says, “It’s complicated.”
The Navaho won’t claim him, too little blood.
He needs 1/4, not 1/8.
Caddy and Fort Sill Apache allow 1/16, not Navahos.
1/4 blood is for
1/8 works for Comanche and Pawnee.
Some Cherokees only want a Cherokee ancestor.
But he is none of those.
Is he Navaho?
Is he white?
The old South goes by the one drop rule:
one drop of Negro…
Is a person with 99/100 per cent white
and 1/100 black, black?
Kids at school ask, “What are you?”
He tells them.
They say, “You’re lying.”
I only know specifically about two ancestors,
the Swiss Germans.
Another great grandfather disappeared during the Civil War.
I don’t even know his name.
Who am I?
Who are you?
I think I’ll get a DNA test.
Then I’ll know how many pieces I need to cut myself into.
Note: This was originally published in my book “On the Rim of Wonder”. I had a cousin send me 75 pages of ancestry information. I looked up more myself. That one great grandfather remains a mystery. I had my DNA done. It did not match what I expected from the ancestry work.
Blood quantum is the term the US government used to determine whether a person would be qualified as an Indian. Now many Indian Nations use it to decide who can be on the tribal rolls and who cannot.
Although few argue with the spirit of the Declaration of Independence, few look long and hard at the history and life then. Unless you owned land, were male, were white, nothing for you. Most of the founding fathers still held, tacitly or openly, to the old English class system. Many owned slaves even when they claimed to dislike it. Throughout United States history, a small group of high status, white men have controlled the country.
More recently during WWII, we imprisoned Japanese Americans but not Germans. The Japanese were often seen as ruthless, barbaric while the Aryan German remained quite close to the idealized, white, patriotic American ideal.
Today when people read about white men murdering large numbers of people, the news and the comments indicate that most think these people are abnormal, not like the rest of us. This is a country fascinated with hate. For many in the last couple of years this has taken the form of hatred of outsiders, refugees, dark people. This has brought a new wave of tough on crime mentality. People who think differently, more welcoming, more critical, are seen as subversive, anti-patriotic. Much of the public sees certain groups, e.g. black men, as criminals, wicked, violent, groups to be feared. Any research contrary to these prevalent views tends to be hidden, pushed away, unreported. One example is a report by Homeland Security in 2009 which warned law enforcement agencies about the dangers of right-wing conservatism. Certain conservative groups demanded the withdrawal of this report and succeeded.
Certain Christian groups push for a return to Christian values not realizing perhaps the origin of some of these values. The word, evil, provides an excellent example. This word goes back to Saint Augustine who defined it as a refusal to act morally, a refusal to do good. While Hitler, the Holocaust, and Nazism have been associated with evil, interestingly fascism has not. Franco in Spain escaped the evil label probably because the Vatican, the US government, and US businesses supported him. The word evil is rarely used to describe state sanctioned violence as in the US support of the Shah of Iran, Pinochet in Chile. It appears we pick and choose the evil label to suit certain purposes. Powerful groups are rarely labeled evil and therefore do not become targets of general hatred.
Fear relates to hate. People hate what they fear. Some media play on these fears to incite hate to suit their own goals and philosophies. Certain talk radio hosts use their rants to further their goals in this manner. They want people who do not think like they do to incite fear which leads to hate. These media can easily inflame the public fears about crime, refugees, drug usage. They also rely on the often hidden preexisting prejudices that many deny they have, e.g. racism, fear of outsiders, fear of differences.
The ultimate end of these prejudices is war. The often popular belief remains: justice and goodness can be attained via violence, force. We are good and everyone against us is evil and therefore to be hated. The war vocabulary remains part of common everyday language: War on Women, Drug War, War on Poverty. Our language remains full of these types of communications. It expresses a common worldview. Problems can be solved by force. This continues in spite of enormous evidence that it does not work. The War on Drugs never attained success, our economic and social problems remain. Even efforts at containment frequently fail, e.g. the current opioid epidemic. Many schools currently hire police officers and sometimes students are arrested for relatively minor infractions. Often those arrested are students with certain types of disabilities or from certain minority groups. Our prison population has increased by 500% over the last thirty years with the increased imprisonment of women double that of men, mainly due to drug related crimes. Obviously, these “wars” are failing. Because of the “cult” of individuality and freedom, people in the US often see these failures as the result of individuals acting irresponsibly rather than societal failures. Although these factors do not force an individual to behave in certain ways, they do affect a person’s psychological makeup, opportunities for betterment, and mental and physical health.
We have become a society possessed with fear and hatred caused by a profound mistrust of others. Contrary to what many wish to believe this nation has a long history of obsession with perceived enemies and evil. Some see threats everywhere, liberals hate conservatives and vice versa, some fear and hate those with different sexual orientations, the list seems endless. Many see the solution as one form of war or another either through violence, incarceration, or laws.
Mass rallies on both sides further incite this sort of mass mentality. History remains full of disastrous consequences of such behavior. The Nazis came to power this way and killed millions of Jews via such strategies. The genocide in Rwanda is another example. We see the perpetrators of such as monsters, but common, ordinary men and women made the Holocaust possible. Good, decent people engage in horrible crimes. The Ku Klux Klan continues with membership of otherwise ordinary, upstanding citizens. Doctors in Nazi Germany rationalized their help with exterminations and experimentations as part of German nationalism to save their country.
In the US racism is not the sole purview of white bigots. Just recently someone commented to me about being colorblind. Such is a form of denial. When people see another person, they notice how they look, eyes, height, etc. Most white people in the US today never choose to recall, if alive then, and acknowledge, if not, the millions of black people (mostly men) lynched, most of whom were raped, tortured and castrated before they were killed. When someone commits these types of atrocities today, we often refer to him as a monster. We conveniently forget the long history of atrocities against all people of color in this country, atrocities deemed perfectly normal at the time.
As noted in the examples above, much of the violence and hatred and injustice currently seen in this country has a long history. We have not been able to even come close to the ideals espoused in the Declaration of Independence. Instead of talking about Making American Great Again, we need to change the conversation into a future vision of making the US like the vision detailed in this document, a place where justice and the hope of equality can be attained by all, regardless of color, ethnicity, gender, sexual preference, religion.
Note: Recommended readings include “Considering Hate” by Kay Whitlock and Michael Bronski and “White Trash: the 400-Year Untold History of Class in America” by Nancy Isenberg.
Is violence more likely when men spend a lot of time away from women and children?
In my widely read blog and academic essay offering a new definition of patriarchy, I argued that patriarchy is a system of male dominance that arose at the intersection of the control of female sexuality, private property, and war. In it, bracketed the question of how patriarchy began. Today I want to share some thoughts provoked by a short paragraph in Harald Haarmann’s ground-breaking Roots of Ancient Greek Civilization. Haarmann briefly mentions (but does not discuss) the hypothesis that patriarchy arose among the steppe pastoralists as a result of conflicts over grazing lands. As these conflicts became increasingly violent, patriarchal warriors assumed clan leadership in order to protect animal herds, grazing lands, and the women and children of the clan.
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