emotional pain

Book 44 for 2025: “Kafka on the Shore”, Haruki Murakami

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This is my first Murakami novel; it will not be my last. It’s fascinating and profound. A 15 year old boy, Kafka, runs away from home. His mother and older sister disappeared when he was four. He does not remember them. His father, a famous sculptor, ignores him. Although they live in the same house, they rarely see each other. After running away, he finds a private (but open to the public) library in another city and is taken in by the two people in charge of the library.

Nakata, another main character who is an elderly man, is not very bright due to a bizarre event that sent him to the hospital in a coma when he was a child. He talks to cats and makes fish and eel fall from the sky like rain. He becomes friends with another principal character, a young truck driver, who helps him out because Nakata reminds him of his grandfather.

The novel portrays the lives of these characters through their actions, dreams, and fantastical events. The unreal becomes real and people learn about their true selves through these events.

Book 43 for 2025: “Salt Bones”, Jennifer Givhan

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This novel surprised me by being a page turner. Once I read through the first couple of chapters, I had to keep going. In Southern California the Salton Sea, once much larger and the home of a thriving resort, now has shrunk and only a few people live there. Not far away lies the Imperial Valley, one of the largest agricultural regions in the US which is close to the Mexican border. This is the setting of the story of the little town of El Valle, the surrounding areas, and the tale of two families, one rich, white landowners, the other Mexican-indigenous. Mal, one of the main characters, has always lived on El Valle, worked hard, tried to forget the disappearance of her sister, and raised two daughters alone. Another local girl goes missing, then a week later her youngest daughter also goes missing. Frantic, she searches for answers, wonders if there is a link, and keeps dreaming of the local, indigenous legend of the horse headed woman, El Siguanaba. Meanwhile readers learn about the long friendship and affair between Mal’s oldest daughter, Griselda, and the son of the valley’s largest, white landowner, Mal’s difficult, disabled mother, her father, and brother’s, one of whom is running for office after going to Stanford, and the youngest brother, Benny, who is now a detective. Not only does this work of fiction combine Latinx and indigenous cultures, it also addresses environmental collapse, family secrets, and the complex relationships between mothers and daughters.

Book 42 for 2025: “Hope In A Time of Dying”, Len Leatherwood

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This autobiographical novel was written by a good friend of mine whose own family experienced some of the horrors of the AIDS epidemic in the 1990s. The main character, Hope Winterfield, and her husband make their living as antique dealers in Texas when her elder brother, Robert, a doctor with HIV, convinces them to move with their three daughters to the LA area to help him out. Because their antique business is not doing well and she wants to help her brother, they move, thinking that if it does not work out, they can move back to Texas.

Robert has an ex, Anthony, who is also his business partner, who hates Robert’s new love, the charming, handsome, younger man, Cody. Hope takes the job Robert has offered her, only to discover the dynamics surrounding the job, her brother, friends she has known for years, and many others are nearly overwhelming and that quite often nothing is as it seems. Added to all this is Hope’s difficult mother who often denies the realities of her own life. This is the tale of a family and complicated family dynamics where the main characters have to decide what it most important in life and what they should value the most and fight for.

Book 38 for 2025: “Beyond the Door of No Return”, David Diop

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Translated from French and written by a Senegalese author, this novel takes place during the time of colonialism and the slave trade. In Paris of 1806, a famous botanist, Michel Adanson, is dying. He never has finished the botanical work to which he dedicated his life, and as he lays dying, his last words are the woman’s name “Maram”.

His daughter finds an unpublished memoir hidden in a cabinet. It is the story of his younger life, what happened to him in Africa, all addressed to his daughter so she can understand his story and the meaning of his last word. It is a tale both strange and sad, filled with healers and magic and tragedy. Maram, a fabled revenant, a woman of noble birth from the kingdom of Waalo, was captured and sold into slavery but managed to escape. While working on his quest to find new plants, Adanson hears about this woman and becomes obsessed with finding her. His guide, Ndiak, the son of a chief, accompanies him everywhere and they become friends. This is a story of adventure, romance, and the horrors and cruelty of the slave trade.

Note: The author won the International Booker Prize for his other novel, “At Night All Blood Is Black”. Readers of this will miss several books I am reading because I am a judge for a literary context and cannot discuss what I am reading for the next several weeks.

Book 36 for 2025: “The Emperor of Gladness”, Ocean Vuong

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“What’s an army anywhere but a bunch of state-sanctioned mass shooters funded by our tax dollars. Do the deed as a civilian and you get the chair, do it as a soldier and they’ll pin some tinfoil your chest.”

“To be alive and try to be a decent person, and not turn it into anything big and grand, that’s the hardest thing of all. You think president is hard? Ha. Don’t you see that every president becomes a millionaire after he leaves office? If you can be a nobody, and stand on your own two feet for as long as I have, that’s enough…People don’t know what’s enough. That’s their problem. They think they suffer, but they’re really just bored. They don’t eat enough carrots.”

In a rather ordinary, small, dismal Connecticut town an elderly woman, suffering from dementia, saves a 19 year old boy from committing suicide. She takes him in and this act of kindness transforms both their lives in unexpected ways. While taking care of her, he also finds a job at a local fast food restaurant where his cousin works as well as several others whom many would consider lesser people. They help each other, form tight bonds, and develop unlikely friendships that reveal how caring and empathy can make all the difference in people’s lives.

This novel is touching, sad, and joyful all at once. These are poor ordinary people trying to survive the best way they know how. For many readers it will be a glimpse into the way many people in this country (and, indeed, the world) actually live–poor, struggling to survive, but also kind and caring.

Book 33 for 2025: “Landscapes”, Christine Lai

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The novel fascinated me in so many ways, the style of writing, the subject matter, what I learned about some famous paintings and especially Turner. I will never see works by Turner in the same way as I previously did. Before mostly I noticed the colors, the translucence. I totally missed the details and the violence nearly hidden.

The novel takes place after an ecological collapse in England where first violent floods occurred followed by a devastating drought. Now it has not rained in three years and Penelope, the main character, spends most of her time working as an archivist for the notable collection at a soon to be demolished estate in the English countryside. She has lived here for two decades with her current partner, Aidan, who owns the estate. The disasters have nearly destroyed the once magnificent mansion. Now Penelope and Aidan allow refugees from the disasters to live there with them as they transition to new places and housing until the new buyers demolish the place.

Most of the novel is Penelope’s diary, what she writes about her life present and past. In the midst of this her archivist notes appear as well as descriptions of famous paintings, most of which show women being brutalized in one way or another, e.g. The Abduction of the Sabine Women, 1633-34, Nicholas Poussin. Later in the novel there are segments from the viewpoint of Aidan’s brother, Julian, who previously owned the estate and with whom Penelope experienced a violent and disastrous relationship.

This is a tale of survival, redemption, memory, and art as a means of renewal. I liked this novel so much that I spent time looking up the art the protagonist describes, researching Turner, writing down passages, etc.

Jim Crow Florida and Alligator Alcatraz

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In the late 1800s there is a photo of a group of Black babies lined up with the caption Alligator Bait. This trope goes back to the antebellum South but came into its own later. This photo, created in 1897 and popular with white Floridians, started an entire industry. There were even postcards of alligators chasing terrified Black children. Fishermen could buy lures that looked like a Black baby protruding from an alligator’s mouth. There was even a song called “Mammy’s Little Alligator Bait” and mechanical toys showing alligators swallowing Black babies. Thankfully, there is no evidence of Black babies actually being fed to alligators, but still…

Now we have Alligator Alcatraz and the president and his buddies even make jokes about why they put it in the middle of a swamp–anyone trying to escape will be alligator food. Who are the people there? Not any rich white people. They say it is to make the country safer. Data shows the place is not filled with criminals, even though some are there and maybe deserve to be there, but most are not criminals, just ordinary people who are darker–brown and black. It would seem that the trope of feeding certain sorts of people to the alligators never went away. How “sick” can we become.

Book 32 for 2025: “My Name Is Emilia del Valle”, Isabel Allende

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The last two books of hers that I read were set in the more recent times when Salvador Allende and later Pinochet were presidents of Chile. This one dates back to the 1800s and the Chilean Civil War. In 1866 a nun of Irish descent living in San Francisco has a passionate affair with a Chilean aristocrat and becomes pregnant. He abandons her; their daughter becomes the woman in the title of this novel. She is raised by a loving step father, an intellectual teacher from whom she learns to be independent and defy societal norms. At a young age she becomes the writer of short pulp fiction novels using a fake male name. The income from these helps her family live a reasonably good life.

Bored with writing these lucrative little books, she convinces a San Francisco newspaper to hire her as a journalist where she works along with a more seasoned journalist, Eric Whelan. Eventually, the two are sent to Chile to cover the civil war and violence occurring there. She sees this as not only an opportunity to satisfy her adventurous spirit but also an opportunity to find her biological father. She encounters dangers, almost gets killed, and sets off to find herself in the far southern reaches of the Chilean wilderness, learning from the indigenous people who live there how to survive in remote mountains.

Note: One of the places she goes was nearly impossible for non indigenous people to find during the 1800s and many never made it. Today, it is a popular area for hiking, camping, and exploring nature.

Book 29 for 2025: “Hang the Moon”, Jeannette Walls

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I had only read her memoir, “The Glass Castle”, previously and remember thinking, wow, even some intelligent, educated people can have very different ideas about how to live. I was looking for a book to read and found this novel, her most recent book published in 2023, at the local library.

The main character, Sallie Kincaid, is the daughter of the wealthiest man in a small town, well even the county, and he runs everyone and everything there. Sallie remembers little of her mother and knows little about what happened to her except she died after a violent argument with her father. He remarries and has a son. Sallie tries to teach him to be bold like she and her father are. This results in a horrible accident and her stepmother demands she leave. Her dad sends her to live with the poor sister of her mother where she remains until she is seventeen. Her dad sends an old friend from her childhood to bring her back to his place, the biggest, grandest house in the county.

It is Prohibition and ways of making a living that have always existed in this area of the mountain Southeast is now illegal. Slavery is over and women can vote but for most life has changed very little. Her stepmom dies, unforeseen tragedies occur, people are not who she thinks they are, and one awful thing after another ensues. This is one of those novels you keep reading because you want to know what happens. It is the story of Sallie Kincaid, a very strong, determined woman who survives and even thrives no matter what.

Book 28 for 2025: “The Barbarian Nurseries”, Héctor Tobar

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Although the copyright says 2011, this book in so many ways continues to describe the different groups of people and cultures that live in Southern California. Even though I know that to which the title refers, I am not sure it really does the book justice. This is the story of a wealthy, young family living in one of the most expensive suburbs in Orange County. The husband, Scott, who is half Mexican, made it as a tech savvy guy. His wife, a transplant from Maine, does not work but stays home with two young boys who go to a fancy private school where she volunteers. They have a baby girl. Taking care of all this is apparently too much for her so they have a live-in maid, Araceli, who has her own little bedroom separate from the big house. Until recently, they had two other people working for them, one young woman who helped with the children and a gardener. Due to money issues, when the book begins, only Araceli is left working for them.

Financial pressures lead to the couple fighting. One morning Araceli awakens to an almost empty house; only the two boys remain. Everyone else has disappeared. She cannot reach the parents; no one is answering the phone. This continues for two days until they are about to run out of food. She has never had to interact with the children much before and is a bit at loss as to what to do. Neither she nor they have a clue as to where the parents are each of whom think the other one is at home. Araceli finds an old photo of Scott’s dad, Señor Torres, with an old address written on the back. She decides to have the boys pack some clothes in their backpacks and they head off to find their grandfather.

Their misadventures and the mistaken accusations that follow show just how crazy things can get when people totally misunderstand what has occurred, people cannot think correctly due to their prejudices, and the wrong people get involved. Since I live in Southern California and have been to some of the places described or places similar, this book rang so true for me and made me laugh out loud and keep on reading.