emotional pain

Book 36 for 2025: “The Emperor of Gladness”, Ocean Vuong

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“What’s an army anywhere but a bunch of state-sanctioned mass shooters funded by our tax dollars. Do the deed as a civilian and you get the chair, do it as a soldier and they’ll pin some tinfoil your chest.”

“To be alive and try to be a decent person, and not turn it into anything big and grand, that’s the hardest thing of all. You think president is hard? Ha. Don’t you see that every president becomes a millionaire after he leaves office? If you can be a nobody, and stand on your own two feet for as long as I have, that’s enough…People don’t know what’s enough. That’s their problem. They think they suffer, but they’re really just bored. They don’t eat enough carrots.”

In a rather ordinary, small, dismal Connecticut town an elderly woman, suffering from dementia, saves a 19 year old boy from committing suicide. She takes him in and this act of kindness transforms both their lives in unexpected ways. While taking care of her, he also finds a job at a local fast food restaurant where his cousin works as well as several others whom many would consider lesser people. They help each other, form tight bonds, and develop unlikely friendships that reveal how caring and empathy can make all the difference in people’s lives.

This novel is touching, sad, and joyful all at once. These are poor ordinary people trying to survive the best way they know how. For many readers it will be a glimpse into the way many people in this country (and, indeed, the world) actually live–poor, struggling to survive, but also kind and caring.

Book 33 for 2025: “Landscapes”, Christine Lai

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The novel fascinated me in so many ways, the style of writing, the subject matter, what I learned about some famous paintings and especially Turner. I will never see works by Turner in the same way as I previously did. Before mostly I noticed the colors, the translucence. I totally missed the details and the violence nearly hidden.

The novel takes place after an ecological collapse in England where first violent floods occurred followed by a devastating drought. Now it has not rained in three years and Penelope, the main character, spends most of her time working as an archivist for the notable collection at a soon to be demolished estate in the English countryside. She has lived here for two decades with her current partner, Aidan, who owns the estate. The disasters have nearly destroyed the once magnificent mansion. Now Penelope and Aidan allow refugees from the disasters to live there with them as they transition to new places and housing until the new buyers demolish the place.

Most of the novel is Penelope’s diary, what she writes about her life present and past. In the midst of this her archivist notes appear as well as descriptions of famous paintings, most of which show women being brutalized in one way or another, e.g. The Abduction of the Sabine Women, 1633-34, Nicholas Poussin. Later in the novel there are segments from the viewpoint of Aidan’s brother, Julian, who previously owned the estate and with whom Penelope experienced a violent and disastrous relationship.

This is a tale of survival, redemption, memory, and art as a means of renewal. I liked this novel so much that I spent time looking up the art the protagonist describes, researching Turner, writing down passages, etc.

Jim Crow Florida and Alligator Alcatraz

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In the late 1800s there is a photo of a group of Black babies lined up with the caption Alligator Bait. This trope goes back to the antebellum South but came into its own later. This photo, created in 1897 and popular with white Floridians, started an entire industry. There were even postcards of alligators chasing terrified Black children. Fishermen could buy lures that looked like a Black baby protruding from an alligator’s mouth. There was even a song called “Mammy’s Little Alligator Bait” and mechanical toys showing alligators swallowing Black babies. Thankfully, there is no evidence of Black babies actually being fed to alligators, but still…

Now we have Alligator Alcatraz and the president and his buddies even make jokes about why they put it in the middle of a swamp–anyone trying to escape will be alligator food. Who are the people there? Not any rich white people. They say it is to make the country safer. Data shows the place is not filled with criminals, even though some are there and maybe deserve to be there, but most are not criminals, just ordinary people who are darker–brown and black. It would seem that the trope of feeding certain sorts of people to the alligators never went away. How “sick” can we become.

Book 32 for 2025: “My Name Is Emilia del Valle”, Isabel Allende

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The last two books of hers that I read were set in the more recent times when Salvador Allende and later Pinochet were presidents of Chile. This one dates back to the 1800s and the Chilean Civil War. In 1866 a nun of Irish descent living in San Francisco has a passionate affair with a Chilean aristocrat and becomes pregnant. He abandons her; their daughter becomes the woman in the title of this novel. She is raised by a loving step father, an intellectual teacher from whom she learns to be independent and defy societal norms. At a young age she becomes the writer of short pulp fiction novels using a fake male name. The income from these helps her family live a reasonably good life.

Bored with writing these lucrative little books, she convinces a San Francisco newspaper to hire her as a journalist where she works along with a more seasoned journalist, Eric Whelan. Eventually, the two are sent to Chile to cover the civil war and violence occurring there. She sees this as not only an opportunity to satisfy her adventurous spirit but also an opportunity to find her biological father. She encounters dangers, almost gets killed, and sets off to find herself in the far southern reaches of the Chilean wilderness, learning from the indigenous people who live there how to survive in remote mountains.

Note: One of the places she goes was nearly impossible for non indigenous people to find during the 1800s and many never made it. Today, it is a popular area for hiking, camping, and exploring nature.

Book 29 for 2025: “Hang the Moon”, Jeannette Walls

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I had only read her memoir, “The Glass Castle”, previously and remember thinking, wow, even some intelligent, educated people can have very different ideas about how to live. I was looking for a book to read and found this novel, her most recent book published in 2023, at the local library.

The main character, Sallie Kincaid, is the daughter of the wealthiest man in a small town, well even the county, and he runs everyone and everything there. Sallie remembers little of her mother and knows little about what happened to her except she died after a violent argument with her father. He remarries and has a son. Sallie tries to teach him to be bold like she and her father are. This results in a horrible accident and her stepmother demands she leave. Her dad sends her to live with the poor sister of her mother where she remains until she is seventeen. Her dad sends an old friend from her childhood to bring her back to his place, the biggest, grandest house in the county.

It is Prohibition and ways of making a living that have always existed in this area of the mountain Southeast is now illegal. Slavery is over and women can vote but for most life has changed very little. Her stepmom dies, unforeseen tragedies occur, people are not who she thinks they are, and one awful thing after another ensues. This is one of those novels you keep reading because you want to know what happens. It is the story of Sallie Kincaid, a very strong, determined woman who survives and even thrives no matter what.

Book 28 for 2025: “The Barbarian Nurseries”, Héctor Tobar

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Although the copyright says 2011, this book in so many ways continues to describe the different groups of people and cultures that live in Southern California. Even though I know that to which the title refers, I am not sure it really does the book justice. This is the story of a wealthy, young family living in one of the most expensive suburbs in Orange County. The husband, Scott, who is half Mexican, made it as a tech savvy guy. His wife, a transplant from Maine, does not work but stays home with two young boys who go to a fancy private school where she volunteers. They have a baby girl. Taking care of all this is apparently too much for her so they have a live-in maid, Araceli, who has her own little bedroom separate from the big house. Until recently, they had two other people working for them, one young woman who helped with the children and a gardener. Due to money issues, when the book begins, only Araceli is left working for them.

Financial pressures lead to the couple fighting. One morning Araceli awakens to an almost empty house; only the two boys remain. Everyone else has disappeared. She cannot reach the parents; no one is answering the phone. This continues for two days until they are about to run out of food. She has never had to interact with the children much before and is a bit at loss as to what to do. Neither she nor they have a clue as to where the parents are each of whom think the other one is at home. Araceli finds an old photo of Scott’s dad, Señor Torres, with an old address written on the back. She decides to have the boys pack some clothes in their backpacks and they head off to find their grandfather.

Their misadventures and the mistaken accusations that follow show just how crazy things can get when people totally misunderstand what has occurred, people cannot think correctly due to their prejudices, and the wrong people get involved. Since I live in Southern California and have been to some of the places described or places similar, this book rang so true for me and made me laugh out loud and keep on reading.

Book 27 for 2025: “Violeta”, Isabel Allende

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Although technically not a sequel, “Violeta” seems to be a sort of sequel to “A Long Petal of the Sea”. If you are interested in Chilean history just before, during, and after the demise of Chilean president Salvador Allende and the horrors of Pinochet’s rule which the CIA helped to implement, this novel is for you.

This is the story of one woman, Violeta, told from her viewpoint via a long memoir written for and to her grandson. She begins life as the youngest child of a wealthy businessman whose poor and risky decisions lead to the family’s downfall, forcing them to escape to the remote, far southern regions of the country. It is the tale of a strong, passionate, determined woman who lived a lifestyle far ahead of her time, other family members, the far right Hitler sympathizing German farmers who immigrated to the far south, and others she knew including a renegade pilot who flew contraband and “prisoners” for various nefarious groups. Although not a murder mystery or a work of fiction that could be called adventurous, the story of Violeta’s life is so fascinating that I kept wanting to read on and on.

Books 24 and 25 for 2025: “Song Yet Sung”, James McBride and “The River Is Waiting”, Wally Lamb

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“Song Yet Sung” is the final book for me for McBride. I have now read all his books. Like most of his novels, this one is historical, taking place when slavery still existed. Here the setting is the coastal/tidal areas of Maryland and Virginia where many of the men make a living on the water harvesting seafood. This includes both whites and blacks, slaves and free. At least one escaped slave lives in the swamps where no one has been able to find him. One of the characters is an attractive, tough, ruthless woman who makes her living hunting down escaped slaves and sometimes even capturing freemen and selling them South as slaves. Another is a retired slave hunter who cannot get over the death of his son. Finally there is a widow who owns several slaves but totally depends on them for her living, one of whom is a major character in the novel. I had no idea how people lived in this area of the country, the codes, both slaves and free persons, used to survive and sometimes escape. There is a lot of violence in this novel but also plenty of hope and redemption.

“The River Is Waiting” has made it to the top ten fiction list for the last couple of weeks. Without doubt it has to be one of the most depressing novels I have ever read. A young man who hides his addictions causes a horrible, tragic accident. Sent to prison where he really does not fit in at all, he experiences many horrific events but also has a cell mate who is a kind and caring person. Add to this the two hideous, sadistic prison guards and their actions and you have a tale of woe relieved occasionally by acts of honor, beauty and kindness.

Note: Decades ago when I worked at a DOE facility where everyone had to take a psychological test to get a clearance to work there, a specialist came to give us a presentation on the test and how the results were used. As I read “The River Is Waiting”, I kept remembering something the presenter told us: when a test was given at a maximum security prison, the guards scored higher on hostility and anger than the inmates.

Book 23 for 2025: “A Long Petal of the Sea”, Isabel Allende

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If you do not want to read history books but want to know some history, many of Isabel Allende’s novels will be perfect for you. The title of this one comes from Pablo Neruda; it is what he called his native land, Chile. Each chapter begins with a quote from several of his poems. The novel begins during the Spanish Civil War; one of the main characters, Victor Dalmau, is a medic for the Republican side. He and Roser, a pregnant young widow who was married to Victor’s brother who is killed, have to escape Spain to save themselves. The novel details their struggles crossing into France, how they are forced to marry in order to board the SSWinnipeg, a ship commissioned by Pablo Neruda to help Spanish refugees emigrate to Chile. With 2000 other passengers they arrive in Chile and make the best of their new life. World War II breaks out and their hope of returning to Spain diminishes.

Victor becomes a successful doctor, their lives become intertwined with that of a prominent Chilean family, Roser becomes a famous musician, traveling back and forth to Venezuela, and the socialist government of Salvador Allende is overthrown in a military coup with the aide of the US. Then Pinochet’s reign of terror comes, once again civil unrest affecting their lives.

The novel demonstrates how little control people sometimes have over what happens to them, how some are better at dealing with adversity than others, and how lies are eventually discovered. It is also a testament to personal character and strength.

Note: Isabel Allende’s father was a distant cousin to Salvatore Allende.

Book 22 for 2025: “The Wind Knows My Name”, Isabel Allende

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This novel details the lives of several immigrants fleeing violence in their own countries. One is a five year old boy in Austria whose father disappeared during the beginning of the Holocaust and whose mother put him on one of the Kindertransport trains from Nazi-occupied Austria to eventually reach England. He never sees her again. All he was allowed to take is one change of clothes and his violin.

Another is Leticia who is now a US citizen; she was carried on her father’s back across the Rio Grande after they escaped the El Mozote massacre in El Salvador, only because they were out of town when when paramilitary men came and killed everyone in their village.

The third is Anita, a blind, eight year old girl whose mother brought her to the US from El Salvador to escape threats on her life from a former military officer who was dismissed because of his behavior. She is separated from her mother by US officials and taken first to a detention center and then later to various “foster” shelters for such children.

Other characters include Selena, a woman working for a non-profit that helps such children and Frank, the high powered attorney she convinces to help her with Anita’s case. The novel illustrates how so many lives intersect and inter-relate in ways no one ever expected.